{"id":844,"date":"2012-08-10T19:34:29","date_gmt":"2012-08-10T23:34:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/?p=844"},"modified":"2012-08-10T19:34:29","modified_gmt":"2012-08-10T23:34:29","slug":"let-those-people-go","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/2012\/08\/let-those-people-go\/","title":{"rendered":"Let Those People Go."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>\u00a0 There comes a time in a woman’s life when you need to dress all up in your glad rags, get a really good manicure, lift your hand just so and wave a few people good-bye. It’s over.\u00a0 So long. Farewell. Forget about the wind at your back-just don’t let the door hit you in the ass.\u00a0 Leave.\u00a0 Move on.\u00a0 I’ve done what I could.\u00a0 I don’t want to pretend-don’t want to play nice.\u00a0 Ain’t gonna work anymore. Fo Shizzle. It’s happened to me-though I never really understood the reasons why<\/em>. But I am good with it. Really.\u00a0 My first college roommate did not even wave goodbye-snotty blue blood that she was-she just packed up her shit and left.\u00a0 “Too happy” was all she told the house mom-or mum-as it was in our case when asked why she left. They found her a solo room across campus. She left me a reminder note taped to the\u00a0 bathroom mirror we shared over the sink.\u00a0 “LOSE”<\/em> it said. Taped just where I would see it.\u00a0 “NOT LOOSE”- as in you need to LOSE some weight.” Referring to a note I had left her only days before reminding her not to loose<\/em> something or other-hell if I can remember what it was-but I sure do remember that note. Funny how that works. Fine I thought. Leave. Take your damn fancy black soap that leaves a residue EVERYWHERE and be gone.<\/p>\n

The rest of my semester was wonderful.<\/p>\n

There was a time when I thought it really meant something to have a great many people in your life.\u00a0 And then I learned about real friendships and the field narrowed down to very few.\u00a0 They are still in my life.\u00a0 And as life would have it-and despite it taking damn near until my mid forties-I learned it is\u00a0 nearly impossible to change people. You can not fix them. You can not give them grace or compassion.\u00a0 It is learned. The hard way.\u00a0 You can not give them brilliance.\u00a0 It is won-the creative way.\u00a0 And you can not save them from themselves.\u00a0 Sadly, there are very few who learn that-easy or hard as it may be.\u00a0 And then you become a mom.\u00a0 Or a working woman. Or both.\u00a0 And it all changes again.\u00a0 Or does it.<\/p>\n

Facebook-the evil pleasure that it is will lead you to think the more friends you collect-the better you are. I held out for sometime- I confess because I was not comfortable with the whole friend thing-and my brother warned me about the privacy thing.\u00a0 And then there was that horrible and ego-laden task of “friending” and the guilt of “unfriending”.\u00a0 Forget the waving of goodbye.\u00a0 In a click( or multiple clicks) you say goodbye. I mean really<\/em>? Oh. And.\u00a0 Full disclosure:\u00a0 I have recently gone on a cleaning spree, if you will and unfriended quite a few people who were not really my friends and becoming more of my enemy.\u00a0 I got sick and tired of hearing about how miserable or absolutleyfabulous<\/em> life was for them.Or the many divorces.\u00a0 Or the “read between the lines and guess what I am saying”\u00a0 updates. The airing of the dirty laundry. Then there was the comment\u00a0 from one of my friends who was sure I was going to hell because of what I believed. And the crazy young actor who was sure we would\u00a0 never meet again and\u00a0 felt it was their young twenty something duty to tell me off but good<\/em>. Via private message.\u00a0 Lots<\/em> of them\u00a0 She was on a roll-bless her unmedicated heart.\u00a0 Talented?\u00a0 You bet.\u00a0 Crazy?\u00a0 As a three dollar bill.<\/p>\n

Certainly these are no friends of mine.<\/p>\n

My tribe is small. And goes back for many years.\u00a0 I have said goodbye-with a nod and a wave -to family and friends who I could no longer help on any level-and for that matter no longer wanted to.\u00a0 The cost was too much for me and my sense of self.\u00a0 I wanted my tribe to mean something.\u00a0 To be there for a reason-a purpose that is beyond a number-deeper than a Christmas card-once a year.\u00a0 More meaningful than forgetting that Christmas card.\u00a0 I have a small tribe-who are big in heart, rich in soul and integrity-righteous in justice and worldly in compassion.\u00a0 I like it this way.\u00a0 I love them this way.\u00a0 Each of them a link to some part of me.\u00a0 None of them I have ever had to nod and wave good-bye-unless it was until the next time.\u00a0 I like it this way.<\/p>\n

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