{"id":717,"date":"2011-10-04T10:26:31","date_gmt":"2011-10-04T14:26:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/?p=717"},"modified":"2011-10-04T10:35:00","modified_gmt":"2011-10-04T14:35:00","slug":"nice-to-be-nice-not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/2011\/10\/nice-to-be-nice-not\/","title":{"rendered":"Nice to be Nice? Not."},"content":{"rendered":"

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I have been on a positive kick these days.\u00a0 Living life in the now.\u00a0 My now.\u00a0 This moment to moment of taking whatever comes my way. Maybe the yoga is kicking in-Is it my Buddha and incense? \u00a0 The four hours a day of biking?\u00a0 Something<\/em> is ever so slightly adjusting\u00a0the level of\u00a0serotonin in my brain-but by God, I have been happy.\u00a0 Yes, that’s right!\u00a0 Happy in a balanced, alliswellinmyworld kind of way. Even-keeled if you will.\u00a0 Even a quick trip to Walmart to purchase\u00a0last minute supplies\u00a0left me-well, okay<\/em>. Granted I was only there for 15 minutes-but I was able to leave the store without wanting to scream at anyone or tap someone on the shoulder, in a way my Grandma Brown would have done to remind them not to: \u00a0 talk on the phone in public, have any body part exposed in a most disgusting way, or to beg them to stop having children. Just stop.<\/p>\n

But then…………….<\/p>\n

Something rose from way up inside the innards of my truest feelings this morning that no amount of incense, biking or Buddha would quell.\u00a0 A general disgust at all things I simply have tolerated because it was the polite thing to do-people included.\u00a0 This was the morning I was not\u00a0 going to take it anymore-because I don’t have to. Nope. Not gonna do it.<\/p>\n

No, no, no.\u00a0 I. don’t. give. afly’infig<\/em> ( my Grandma Brown would say that too) about what this says about me, about my temperament, my ability to breathe it all in and let it go, my “lack of”, or inability to.\u00a0 I don’t want to calm down.\u00a0 I don’t want to make peace.\u00a0 Has anyone ever thought that by getting rid of all the things( and people) you simply tolerated ( in spite of, because of) can be a very positive way to make<\/em> peace?<\/p>\n

Hey!\u00a0 I don’t like you.\u00a0 Never have.\u00a0 You are not nice and you take too much work to navigate.\u00a0 Nice know’in ya.\u00a0 Well, not really.\u00a0 You never liked me either.<\/p>\n

My nine year old daughter has been having a particularly difficult time with a certain other little nine year old. A budding she devil if you ask me.\u00a0 The troubles with said she devil started last year.\u00a0 And trust me when I tell you, this little dar’lin has all the makings of manipulation wrapped up in mean( and then I met the mom and it all\u00a0 made sense to me)<\/p>\n

I just don’t like her, my daughter said.\u00a0 There is nothing nice about her.\u00a0 There is something to be said for nine year old wisdom.<\/p>\n

And while I wholeheartedly agreed, that thing, that make nice gene<\/em> kicked in and I found myself saying exactly what my mother would have said( and probably did) to me when I was ridiculed by a pack of nine year olds myself-way back when.<\/p>\n

You don’t have to like them, you don’t have to be their friend, but you must be nice and be respectful.<\/p>\n

Really?\u00a0\u00a0 I remember, even to this day, that made no sense to me.\u00a0 At nine.\u00a0 At nineteen.\u00a0 At 29…and well, today.<\/p>\n

But why?<\/em>\u00a0 (we said this in tandem, my daughter and me)\u00a0 Only her voice had more conviction and strength, unshaded by years of being nice.<\/p>\n

Just be nice Gloria.<\/em><\/p>\n

No.\u00a0 I don’t want to.\u00a0 Any. More.\u00a0 I don’t want to be nice to people whom I just do not like.\u00a0 I don’t want to pretend.\u00a0 Don’t want to carry the burden of\u00a0 nice anymore.\u00a0 Not that I will be mean-that’s just not nice<\/em>.\u00a0 But I won’t be anything.\u00a0 Void.\u00a0 Stop pretending.<\/p>\n

My mother was the queen of nice.\u00a0 She did not know mean.\u00a0 Well, she did, but her mean was, well, too nice.\u00a0 And it cost her.\u00a0 To her, nothing, because she would not have it any other way.\u00a0 To those of us who knew otherwise, it cost her some extra years of life.\u00a0 She should have, could have, would have.\u00a0 But it was not in her capacity.\u00a0 I chose differently, but it has taken me this long.\u00a0 To find the voice to say no.\u00a0 NO thank-you.\u00a0 Not gonna do it anymore.<\/p>\n

Those who know me know me well.\u00a0 For them I save my nice.\u00a0 My warmth,\u00a0 my strength. My compassion and love.\u00a0 Deep love.<\/p>\n

No,if I don’t like you, I don’t want to be your friend.\u00a0 In a plane, in a car, in a meeting or in a bar.\u00a0 I am Me. Me I am.\u00a0 I have nothing to give any more to those who continue to take. My time is valuable.\u00a0 Not to be wasted.\u00a0 Anymore.\u00a0 I can not give an iota\u00a0 to those who say one thing and mean another. \u00a0 ALL. THE. TIME. Talk to someone else.\u00a0 I do not want to pray for God fearing hypocrites-who do the most ungodly of things-and then blame it on God.\u00a0 Figure that one out. Blame somebody else- and start with yourself.<\/p>\n

Fool me once, shame on you.\u00a0 Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times?\u00a0 Okay so I am still learning.<\/p>\n

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