{"id":651,"date":"2010-11-16T14:28:09","date_gmt":"2010-11-16T18:28:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/?p=651"},"modified":"2012-01-19T13:41:33","modified_gmt":"2012-01-19T17:41:33","slug":"daughter-does-and-mommy-did","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/2010\/11\/daughter-does-and-mommy-did\/","title":{"rendered":"Super Bitch."},"content":{"rendered":"

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“You are nothing but a bitch”\u00a0 And after not so much of a blink of an eye, I responded,\u00a0 “That’s Ms. Bitch to you.”<\/p>\n

Let’s go kick some ass.<\/p>\n

Yesterday,\u00a0 my daughter got in the car and after a few moments of silence-she said to me,” well, she’s at it again.”\u00a0 And then she started to cry.<\/p>\n

My Ava has been the target of a\u00a0 nine year old she devil.\u00a0 It actually started in third grade and I thought, after numerous times of sorting it all out, that said she devil would go away.\u00a0 But no, she was back with a vengeance.\u00a0 At nine, this child seems to know it all and has a problem with those who refuse to listen to her.\u00a0 While 90% of her is all verbal-most of what she says packs as much a punch as if it were a right hook indeed.<\/p>\n

The child’s mother has admitted in a meeting her precious she devil “has a problem with your daughter”<\/em> –“besides,<\/em>” she said, taking a drag off her cigarette, “my baby is just being a<\/em>\u00a0 girl.”\u00a0\u00a0 “And,<\/em> she said, looking at me, your daughter is such a tomboy.”\u00a0 <\/em>Another drag from her cigarette.\u00a0 There is only one other time I wanted to rip someone’s head off-both had to do with attacking my daughter.
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Yesterday, when my daughter wanted to be Martin Luther King for a classroom reading-said she devil raised holy hell in front of the class and made sure to let Ava know how she felt about it.\u00a0 “you can’t play him-you are a girl”…and then it went on to other things I refuse to repeat. It would be one thing if the she brat was acting solo-but no, she has an entourage of three.\u00a0 Little mouths spewing grown up words not knowing the impact they carry.\u00a0 Shame on them.\u00a0 More shame on the women who are raising them.<\/p>\n

I am done with the female bullying epidemic.\u00a0 It’s got to go.\u00a0 It is nothing new;\u00a0\u00a0it’s just in the\u00a0news more and more- so everyone is riled up on the topic.\u00a0 Everyone is vowing\u00a0to take a stance.\u00a0 Since when does being a super bitch win a prize?<\/p>\n

I was bullied in third grade.\u00a0 I still remember every exact detail.\u00a0I can still see the faces of the three girls who cornered me in the green grey tiled bathroom.\u00a0 \u00a0It was not what they did-it was what they said.\u00a0 I don’t remember how it was every resolved. Isn’t\u00a0that something?\u00a0 I was not bullied again until high school-but by then I had a better handle on who I was and while it was still horrific-it did not torment me like it did in third grade.\u00a0 High school was the last time I remember actual bullying.\u00a0 After college-and then on to the real world-bullying was called other things:\u00a0 Harassment. Insecurity. Low Self Esteem. Poor People Skills.Arrogance.\u00a0 It was bullying.\u00a0 And it was nothing new.\u00a0\u00a0 Mean girls are mean girls and mean girls learn from mean mothers. Mean girls grow up to be super nasty super bitches-they just get better at slinging the arrows.<\/p>\n

Just recently, me and some of my besties, ranging in ages from late 20’s to 40 sat around sipping wine and wondered, out loud, what is it that makes women so nasty?\u00a0 Those shades of nasty that go from right in your face to subtle little remarks that linger. Little posts disguised as status updates.\u00a0 Jealousy posing as “advice”. And my personal favorite:\u00a0 Concern smothered in a patronizing hug-complete with a slight pout.” Ohhhhhhhhhh, they will say, looking at you with sad eyes, “Are you okay???” And you know they don’t care.\u00a0 Not one bit.\u00a0 Are grown women really this miserable?\u00a0 Is reality TV to blame?\u00a0 All those real housewives weekly on display behaving badly for fame and fortune? Inflated lips with inflated egos. I personally think they sold their souls to the ratings devil. And might I add, no amount of plastic surgery and no amount of filler works on an empty soul. The price of fame?\u00a0 Of importance?<\/p>\n

Yes, I know there are exceptions-but in the work I do and have done for years, and from seeing first hand the nasty daughter to nasty mom ratio-the exceptions are rare.\u00a0 AND, the bullying is starting earlier and earlier.\u00a0 And if you think for one second girls are not as mean as boys when it comes to bullying- think again.\u00a0 Our middle school is deep in the mean girl thick of things. Girls threatening to stab one another and leaving bomb threats on a bathroom wall. Role models indeed.<\/p>\n

Our\u00a0 high school\u00a0is having a run of girl bullies too.\u00a0 I know who they are and I have seen what they do.\u00a0I have also been fortunate enough( said with loaded sarcasm) to see how their moms treat the world ( and their daughters, if you want to get right down to it) Daughter does what mommy does.\u00a0It is all they know.\u00a0\u00a0They actually think their brand of cruelty is original.\u00a0 Especially with the influx of media and technology.\u00a0 \u00a0 No one has told them\u00a0what they\u00a0lack in originality and courage-has \u00a0simply been \u00a0replaced with a text or status update.\u00a0 \u00a0It has all been done before.\u00a0 Technology just gives them a cowards distance.<\/p>\n

I have long suspected schools\u00a0are taking on\u00a0more and more social services.\u00a0 Merely getting an education is moving further down the list of what schools provide.\u00a0 Students are parenting lousy parents, working incredible hours to supplement family income, getting pregnant and dropping out all together\u00a0and getting lost in the media blitz of reality television. Getting lost, period.\u00a0 It does not take an education to be an idiot-or for that matter a bully.\u00a0 It takes a heck of lot of insecurity and fear.\u00a0 Daughter does\u00a0what mommy teaches.\u00a0 But what is it exactly?\u00a0 What is that thing that trickles down from mother to daughter that becomes the lowest point of teaching?\u00a0 Of becoming just like mom?<\/p>\n

Daughter does what she learns and if what she learns is blaming, and spitting upon\u00a0and lying-then it is to be expected.\u00a0 One mom in particular,gem that she was,wanted a school to fire me because “I did not treat her daughter like the star she was”<\/em>\u00a0 The list of claims this mom had went on to read like a page ripped from the diary of an 8th grade girl sure the world was against her.\u00a0 I thought it was a joke.\u00a0 But no,there it was, this list of things, hand written by the mother-turned in to the principal.\u00a0 It was embarrassing for me to read.\u00a0 I actually began to feel sorry for the woman.\u00a0 She was still stuck in 8th grade.\u00a0 And raising not one but three daughters.<\/p>\n

“Well, then”, psychologists will say, “we have to teach the parents”-<\/p>\n

“We must go after the parents\u00a0and\u00a0teach them”\u00a0 “Educate them”<\/p>\n

Won’t work.\u00a0 Those very parents will not attend a workshop, symposium,\u00a0or training session designed to point out the obvious.<\/p>\n

“Don’t tell me how to raise my kids”\u00a0 they will yell across the room. And the cycle will continue.<\/p>\n

So we must raise our daughters to be more self confident.\u00a0 More certain of choice. More empowered by who they are and to value that power.\u00a0 We must never miss an opportunity to show them the strength of courage, the impact of kindness, the wisdom of education from every available source. We must raise super women-and let them know they can be anything, even Martin Luther King.<\/p>\n

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