{"id":649,"date":"2010-12-28T17:26:23","date_gmt":"2010-12-28T21:26:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/?p=649"},"modified":"2012-01-28T16:33:41","modified_gmt":"2012-01-28T20:33:41","slug":"midlifeprementalperimenopausal-time-of-your-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/2010\/12\/midlifeprementalperimenopausal-time-of-your-life\/","title":{"rendered":"MidlifePreMentalPerimenopausal Time of Your Life."},"content":{"rendered":"

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This is a picture of a hormone.\u00a0 This explains a lot.<\/p>\n

It is no wonder we women are prone to hormonal unbalance.\u00a0\u00a0Who wouldn’t be\u00a0if one\u00a0of these radioactive\u00a0jellyfishlookingthingys was floating around reeking havoc on the days when everything else is going wrong?\u00a0 Waiting for just the right time to go kaflooey.\u00a0 Lying in wait to implode into a mishmash of pure t-hell.<\/p>\n

Oh yeah.\u00a0 That’s right.<\/p>\n

Pure. T. Hell.<\/p>\n

I never gave it much thought.\u00a0 Never. I have never been adverse to aging. Though I vow to not go into it without a fight- I have accepted the process.\u00a0 Sort of. I thought it would be something I would breeze through from here to there; always active I was- forever moving about-tinkering some would say.\u00a0 I thought I would have no trouble with gravity-or body parts that slowly head south. But no. While I joke from time to time about that new piece of flesh on the back of my leg…yes, that one that used to be my perky marathons I have run and bikes I have peddled ass. Yes, that one that sprung back from birthing a baby.\u00a0 But wait: 40 came and went and my ass still stayed. And yet, in these later years, there is goes,\u00a0 sinking slowly no matter the amount of Lycra.<\/p>\n

Once, and yes, it was only once for me- during the prep and pampering for swimsuit competition in the Miss. North Carolina pageant,circa 1984- I looked over and watched as Miss. Fayetteville grabbed a portion of her cheeky flesh( yes, that<\/em> cheek ) and sprayed it with the same spray athletes use to grip the ball better. She “Firm Gripped” her butt to new heights-she lifted up her ass- sprayed it and it stuck.\u00a0 Right there.\u00a0 Right where she wanted it.\u00a0 This was new to me-but darn if I did not meander over and ask for a spray myself.\u00a0 Now firmly gripped in my fuchsia one piece-with matching sandals- and sure my ass was high and mighty,I arranged my sash just right and off I went. I was going to make my county proud I was.\u00a0 The effects lasted only through the next shower-and there was something to be said for the\u00a0 sticky residue. It lingered-but my butt fell back to where it was pre Firm Grip. \u00a0 Where was I?\u00a0 Oh, yes, hormones.\u00a0 Oh these tangents of mine. Wait a minute.\u00a0 I wonder where Miss. Fayetteville is now or for that matter, her butt?<\/p>\n

And now- a thought will enter my mind and suddenly take leave. Or go off on these wild tangents pulling stories from very early on in my book of life. (See above) My sharp as a tack mind is\u00a0being challenged by a hormonally unbalanced\u00a0radioactive jelly fish.\u00a0 My skin is dry-and so are my eyes-never mind the myopic view point.\u00a0 \u00a0 There is a certain sort of sag that finds itself setting up shop on various parts of my face-and try as I may ( you should see my side of the medicine cabinet) the sag continues.\u00a0 Don’t get me started on my hair. No, I will not be cutting it short.<\/p>\n

My ability to multitask has taken up residence somewhere else- I strive now to just get a few things done-and not at the same time.\u00a0 It is the midlife time of my life.\u00a0Let me just relish in the things I can not remember anymore.\u00a0 My fondness for flannel pajamas as day wear suits me just fine, drawstring please?<\/p>\n

It is true what they say.\u00a0 To my great dismay-it is hard to get up and go.\u00a0 I hit it hard at the gym and then pay for it the next day in the oddest of places.\u00a0 I recently discovered I can no longer do a rock star slide on a hard wood floor ( it’s a long story-ruined a great pair of stockings but it made a good <\/em>memory) without severe damage. My right knee will never be the same.\u00a0 Ever.<\/p>\n

I get impatient.\u00a0 Now, this is nothing new to anyone who really knows me -but my level of impatience has about a two minute window.\u00a0 Throw in something I really don’t want to do and the window is gone.<\/p>\n

I have no tolerance for stupid people.\u00a0 Again, nothing new to anyone who really knows me-but I find it interesting to note the number of stupid people that seem to have been recently released onto the world is in direct proportion to my inability to tolerate them.\u00a0 Mean people no longer have a chance with me.\u00a0 I have morphed into a blundered version of Pollyanna and Alexis Carrington. One minute I am going to save the world and the next, well, let’s just say it is not attractive and I never knew flipping someone off could be so satisfying-even if said person did not catch sight of my bird.\u00a0 I blast Ce-lo Green’s hit song on my iPod.\u00a0 The unedited<\/em> version. Yesssssssss.<\/em><\/p>\n

AND I LIKE IT.\u00a0 I really,\u00a0really do.<\/p>\n

I love that I love the word no now.<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

Say it loud and proud.<\/p>\n

No. No, I can not.\u00a0 No, not at this time.\u00a0 No. No. No. No. No.<\/p>\n

And that is final.<\/p>\n

I love my new found midlife sense of power.\u00a0 It goes great with everything I own-and it only took me this long to find it.<\/p>\n

Someone asked me how I got on the fast track to the life I am living.<\/p>\n

Wait. What?<\/p>\n

Fast track.\u00a0 You know- the plan was all laid out, good family,\u00a0good school, good job, good husband, good children….\u00a0and\u00a0I just simply followed the plan.<\/p>\n

Oh.<\/p>\n

God no.<\/p>\n

I got on one road and went as far as I could.\u00a0 Got on another, took a short path-then took a long path-hit a roadblock, or ten, got on another road, made some pit stops, took a short cut, had to go back and do it again, took the road less traveled-many times (trust <\/em>me) and here I am. I have been hurt, betrayed by friends and family, stuck it out, sucked it up, got it wrong, got it right, led astray, led away, dumped, doted on, figured it out, somehow, some way, by force, circumstance and the help of a pretty amazing mentor\/therapist\/friend.\u00a0 So here I am. Stuck in the middle of this particular midlife mid point.\u00a0 For me, there was no fast track.\u00a0 Heck, I am still looking for a right turn-or at least, another one to take-here at this mid life-resting point.<\/p>\n

Let’s see where this will go.<\/p>\n

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