{"id":60,"date":"2008-10-23T10:01:29","date_gmt":"2008-10-23T14:01:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/?p=60"},"modified":"2008-10-25T16:26:30","modified_gmt":"2008-10-25T20:26:30","slug":"games-people-play","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/2008\/10\/games-people-play\/","title":{"rendered":"Games People Play…"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I left New York because I could not play the game anymore.\u00a0 It was too much work to keep up the agenda that I knew would lead to disappointment.\u00a0 I have been in this crazy world of show business for a long time.\u00a0 I have opened my own one woman show in Las Vegas as a pre show for Don Rickles, sang with Tom Jones, yes, that pussycat guy, performed at Radio City, been in Pine Valley, Landview, upstate, down river, off off Broadway, thisclose to Broadway, had cocktails with Julia….yes, her….flew to\u00a0Hollywood,\u00a0 worked on set, off sides, have gotten\u00a0 the<\/em>phonecall-and waited by the phone when I knew it would not ring,have had my own trailer, been\u00a0in rooms where I knew I needed to get\u00a0 out of-in a hurry- and have been left out of rooms where I had hoped to be invited. I have been on the list-and left off even more.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I got out of the business, then got back in-thinking maybe, it had changed.\u00a0 But it has\u00a0not.\u00a0 Somehow,I have managed to work in every capacity of show business without sacrificing my character-and without giving too much of\u00a0myself away. There have been some soulless casualties-I confess.\u00a0 I have had a reasonable amount of success.\u00a0I am not looking to replace a parent-or\u00a0a lost childhood.\u00a0I am not searching for love and acceptance above any beyond the normal day to day existance\u00a0of love and acceptance.\u00a0 \u00a0I love\u00a0what I do because of the people I get to play and the stories I get to tell. I am not interested in people hopping to get ahead.\u00a0 Maybe that is why I am still here.\u00a0 Maybe that is why I\u00a0can’t tolerate the\u00a0sometimes extremely cruel things I have seen happen to other people who are willing to\u00a0accept certain conditions in order to\u00a0make it.<\/p>\n

\u00a0I always go back to theater-because it is where I started-it is what I know best in my bones.\u00a0 There are no surprises.\u00a0 There are honest mistakes made-live.\u00a0 There are souls exposed in the most beautiful of light.<\/p>\n

I did not have connections or a trust fund.\u00a0 I worked\u00a0 (sometimes 3 jobs)to pay for classes and to pay the rent.\u00a0 There were times when my father helped out-but he kept a running tab of what I owed-and I chose to take on another job instead of signing a promissory note.\u00a0 Yes, my father had a promissory note drawn up that totaled all I owed since college.\u00a0 I refused to sign it.\u00a0 But that’s another blog.<\/p>\n

I did not get my MFA in theater arts or attend an Ivy league school…someone actually asked me the other night where I did my graduate study…….I wanted to say …:”ahhhhhh 57th and 7th…..?\u00a0 83rd and Columbus?\u00a0 44th and Broadway- the lower east side?…..late nights and endless rehearsals?”\u00a0\u00a0\u00a020 years of working and creating my own work is where buddy.\u00a0 I did not need to sit in a class until I tasted the imaginary orange.\u00a0 I have tasted the orange.\u00a0 As if a graduate degree is a guarantee for getting ahead in show business.\u00a0 I don’t want to push and claw.\u00a0 The times I did, I felt like I was going to throw up on the subway ride\u00a0home.\u00a0 I could not handle the cocktail parties where I was expected to say the right things and do the right things in order to impress someone.\u00a0 AND NO, I would not be going back to any one’s hotel room for a nightcap, or to hear a demo, or to see a clip, or to………..<\/p>\n

Last night, at a little gala prior to a show opening, I saw a hint of that old way of working a room-manipulating a person, checking off items on a hidden agenda.Someone else putting ego first-and feelings last. \u00a0 It caught me off guard. And then it pissed me off-because I bought into and it affected the way I played the hour- my precious limited hour-\u00a0I had on stage.\u00a0 It affected my performance.\u00a0 I gave my power away to some one’s snide off handed, skillfully planted and well thought out\u00a0comment.\u00a0 I forgot to remember how it works.<\/p>\n

My Vegas gig ended early.\u00a0 After I opened and had gotten a decent review in Variety, I was approached by the owner of the hotel who wanted me to “look at his running shoes”\u00a0 He knocked on my door, late at night, with nothing on\u00a0but a robe.\u00a0He was in\u00a0his late 50’s.\u00a0 \u00a0He was holding a box and in the\u00a0box\u00a0was a\u00a0brand new pair of running shoes.( really…this was wayyyyyyyyy before Justin Timberlake and his box)\u00a0He (\u00a0this man and his box)\u00a0went on to say, he noticed I had gotten up nearly every morning\u00a0and had gone for a run-he said he\u00a0noticed the strength of my legs and the sweat on my shirt……could I, would I,\u00a0advise him on his choice of running shoes? \u00a0He kept the conversation on the topic of running-but we both knew it had nothing to do with running. I was 25.\u00a0 I was very green and Las Vegas was a whole new world for me-but I knew he could give a shit about the shoes,my sweat\u00a0or running for that matter.\u00a0 He sat on the bed, his robe opened , he confessed he was a “hedonist” and that he could make things very good for me in Las Vegas\u00a0if I was willing to “go running with him”.\u00a0 I was scared.\u00a0 I did not think he was going to hurt me but at the same time I knew what was being presented.\u00a0 I told him I wasn’t interested.\u00a0 I told him no.\u00a0 I told him to get out of my room or I would call security.\u00a0 He asked me if I knew what I was saying.\u00a0 I said yes.\u00a0 He still sat on the bed-holding that stupid ass box of running shoes.\u00a0 “Get out!”, I said and moved towards the door.\u00a0 He said something to the effect that I had\u00a0just\u00a0made the biggest mistake of my life….\u00a0“you’re such a little girl”, he said.\u00a0 ” I thought you were a big girl”\u00a0 I WAS 25.\u00a0I was by myself. \u00a0He left.\u00a0 I was shaking.\u00a0 I called Joe, the man who had helped create the show I was performing.\u00a0Joe, who had been in the business forever, and crafted many award winning Broadway shows.\u00a0 Joe who was kind hearted and brilliant( it can happen).\u00a0 Joe, who became my friend in a very harsh world.\u00a0 Joe, who told me to simply stand and sing and that would be enough.\u00a0 It was. \u00a0He assured me I had done the right thing-and then told me to pack my bags.\u00a0 He was sure things were going to change.\u00a0 Sure enough, the next morning, I was notified my contract was being cancelled (Mary Hart and her million dollar legs replaced me) and I was left on my own.\u00a0 I had to be out of my room by 11am, my car had to be turned in and all of the items that were given to me for the show had to be returned.\u00a0 I was on a plane back to North Carolina the next day.\u00a0 I never went back to Las Vegas.\u00a0 I have no idea what sleeping with Mr. Golden Nugget would have gotten me.\u00a0 I was not willing to massage any thing or any one at the cost of my own being.\u00a0 Even back then I was not willing to sacrifice my character.\u00a0 That remains intact.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Last night was not that extreme.\u00a0 I flubbed a line.\u00a0 I recovered and the show went on to be a wonderful piece of ensemble work.\u00a0 I was not mad that I flubbed the line- I was mad that I allowed someone to cause me to leave my mind for just a moment…..<\/p>\n

There is no doubt in my mind this person with said comment\u00a0will achieve great things in\u00a0her path ahead.\u00a0 There will be moments of great success-I can see it already forming.\u00a0 I just wonder about the costs-and will it even matter.<\/p>\n

When I first moved to New York- two years after the Las Vegas incident- my mother sent me a refridgerator\u00a0magnet with a quote.\u00a0 I still have the magnet-it says: Fame is a vapor. Popularity an accident, riches take wings. Only one thing endures and that is character.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0I will add to that:<\/p>\n

kindness is in our power-even when fondness is not.<\/p>\n

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