twomoredaysofschool-checkthisoffthelist-great- drop off-pick up- off to the\u00a0 gym- get on that stupid ass machine-just do it- I can’t -can to- okay.okay…….elipse me already.\u00a0Shuffleschuffleipod- schuffle again…ch-ch-changesturnandfacethestrange……….strange.\u00a0 Very strange.\u00a0\u00a0 OHMYGOD I have got to get my roots done- speed dial Paul- amazing Paul…..root repair on the way- but wait- maybe something else?- Highlights for my low lights?\u00a0 check the brow…fine…back to\u00a0biceps, triceps, one for pulling to-\u00a0one for pushing away….both need to be stronger.\u00a0Turn up the volume- louder still.\u00a0Am I getting shorter?\u00a0 This is a short mirror.\u00a0 I look tired.\u00a0 Too tired.\u00a0 Stop.\u00a0 Look away from the mirror.\u00a0 Look away from the what ifs and why not’s dancing through\u00a0 my head-tapping away at the hours I should be sleeping.\u00a0Pull on this for the upper back.\u00a0 Backless dress\u00a0season is upon us.\u00a0Pack-have I packed? No- ONE suitcase for us both- damn airlines- cram it all in and think about what is already there-7?\u00a0 how did she get to be 7 so soon?\u00a0 How are we going to afford private school?\u00a0 College?\u00a0 Public\u00a0school for now?\u00a0 I want the best for her-my list is long.\u00a0 \u00a0Too much cortisol-too little iron-\u00a0order holy basil- ancient Indian rememdy..remedies. Daily rituals-neither is working.\u00a0 Stubborn belly fat is not a myth.\u00a0 “I am just fine thank-you?\u00a0 How are you?”\u00a0 Overly optimistic people worry me.\u00a0 Sick of Jon and Kate and I have never even seen\u00a0one episode-fame is a vapor. sick of world news-old news any news-silent vow to shut off the TV for 21 days-it won’t\u00a0happen-but I\u00a0will still try.\u00a0 \u00a0open the windows- let the damp air funnel in-and while you are at it open those chakra’s……let it go let it all go……ohplease.\u00a0 Earthbounds, spirit bounds, clearing and cleansing-keep the channel open.\u00a0I am sore.\u00a0\u00a0Achybreaky sore.\u00a0I used to run marathons.\u00a0 Plural.\u00a0\u00a0 Just two.more. on. the ab machine-“left a good job down in the city”<\/p>\n
I am going to cry. I\u00a0don’t know why but I feel\u00a0it.\u00a0 All this inhaling and exhaling.\u00a0 That cry right there in the middle of your throat.\u00a0 The bubble.\u00a0 Bubbling up?\u00a0 What the fuck is this?\u00a0 Menopause?\u00a0 But it can’t be-my mother was much, much<\/em> older when she went through “it”.\u00a0<\/p>\n Thank you Tina…..proud marymothermay I.\u00a0 May I please-just move on through this transition of? …..oh great.\u00a0 Maybe I am depressed<\/em>.\u00a0 Look that up online\u00a0at some\u00a0point today. EVERYONE IS DEPRESSED.\u00a0\u00a0Never have been depressed ever……maybe this is what this is all about.\u00a0 Alfie?\u00a0 Everything is a lyric of every song I have ever known\u00a0in my head.\u00a0 Make reservations.\u00a0\u00a0 Reschedule.\u00a0 Restructure.\u00a0 What would I like to direct?<\/p>\n \u00a0Mom?\u00a0 What to do with mom?\u00a0 Hospice in for the duration-am I?\u00a0 I need to ask her\u00a0some questions-before it all goes\u00a0or I’ll never get the answers.\u00a0Am I that brave?\u00a0 This is not about courage-but\u00a0more about knowing.\u00a0Do I need to know?\u00a0Let it go-let it all go. Forgive.\u00a0 Forgive. \u00a0Where exactly is my third eye? \u00a0Just be happy Gloria, for God’s sake be happy. Check in with brothers.\u00a0 New job?\u00a0 New life?\u00a0 Under too much pressure?\u00a0 Will one ever, ever get it together or end up dead?\u00a0 What the hell went wrong? Still reeling from the fathers day call.\u00a0 Narsissism is not a good character trait to have.\u00a0 Dad.\u00a0 What went wrong?\u00a0 Why do phone conversations with my father still upset me when I least expect it.<\/p>\n Ten more.\u00a0 Ten more supersolidpilateslike crunches designed to tone.\u00a0 Taunt.\u00a0 Tone.\u00a0 OHMYGOD.\u00a0 I just need to-wait- check the time- gotta go.\u00a0 Am I someone that I used to know?\u00a0 Do I look as sad as that woman over there?\u00a0 Make it go away or make it better.\u00a0 ”\u00a0Chchchchanges, turn and face the strange”.<\/p>\n Rain, more rain.\u00a0 18th day of rain.\u00a0 Don’t forget to pick up incontinent medicine. FOR THE DOG.\u00a0 Touch base with,check in with, put the stamps on, write the letter for, thank-you note to, and yes, my daugher would love to attend the ice cream social after school-thank-you,\u00a0 oh. not everyone is invited?\u00a0 Only the girls.\u00a0 Girls and ice cream.\u00a0 But not all the girls.\u00a0 Okay? Okay.\u00a0 Gotta go other line ringing.\u00a0 Not sure I really understood that conversation.\u00a0<\/p>\n Good mother, good wife, good daughter.\u00a0Task completer.\u00a0 Finish the book, one woman show, budget, application, bio.\u00a0 End one career and begin another.\u00a0 Become the becoming-but not the sterotype. No sterotypical midlife crisis here.\u00a0 Please God no.\u00a0 And why do I keep talking to God?\u00a0 Reality shows have changed the face of reality. Replace the depleted.\u00a0 With what?\u00a0 Wondering what.\u00a0 Sabatical from what?\u00a0 To where?\u00a0 Connect.\u00a0 Reconnect.\u00a0 Recharge.<\/p>\n