{"id":427,"date":"2010-01-11T19:43:54","date_gmt":"2010-01-11T23:43:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/?p=427"},"modified":"2010-01-11T19:43:54","modified_gmt":"2010-01-11T23:43:54","slug":"im-not-that-girl","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/2010\/01\/im-not-that-girl\/","title":{"rendered":"I’m Not That Girl."},"content":{"rendered":"

Not the first chosen<\/p>\n

OR the last either<\/p>\n

Somewhere in between.<\/p>\n

Not a Pollyanna<\/p>\n

(and certainly not a purebred)<\/p>\n

I am a\u00a0poopoo platter of what I’ve seen –<\/p>\n

and where I have been.<\/p>\n

Taken out what did not work-once or twice with this-<\/p>\n

A late bloomer, they (\u00a0still)\u00a0say-she’s either hit or miss-but<\/p>\n

\u00a0I am evolving all the same.\u00a0 Thank-you very much.<\/p>\n

Wanted to be a blond-<\/p>\n

but then again I was six.<\/p>\n

Now, I’ve forgotten my true hair\u00a0color<\/p>\n

somewhere between deep brown<\/em> and hidden vixen<\/em>-at least that is what it says on the box.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

null<\/p><\/div>\n

Home movies showed a happy kid-rambunctious,full of joy-the only girl<\/p>\n

at first<\/p>\n

followed by boy<\/p>\n

after boy<\/p>\n

after boy.<\/p>\n

I never took the easy path-or it never found me. Not once.<\/p>\n

But each and every by-way, highway and sidestep I took<\/p>\n

provided lessons-they (still)\u00a0say-not from a book.\u00a0 It has always been this way.<\/p>\n

Chasing the whatif’s and why not’s has given way to my\u00a0here and now-<\/p>\n

full of\u00a0sacrifices and the challenges- the winter of my discontent-on some days-<\/p>\n

when the weight of the world sits right there-right there in the slab of my\u00a0back-always a sore spot.<\/p>\n

I’m not that girl that always got what I wanted-but I got what I needed and got what I never thought I wanted-right when I wasn’t looking\u00a0so I\u00a0could not shoo it away-far away. Just let me be.<\/p>\n

I’ve been the girl who for a long time-looked way over there for something else-for fear of looking anywhere else that would require peeling back the onion layers.<\/p>\n

Never self medicated-but met many who did. who do. still.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I’m not that girl-perfectly aligned and bound for the best of the best to complete the picture. I struggle.\u00a0 I wonder about being a mom-a good mom-wonder if I left too soon-stayed too late. One too many creases and cracks where smooth should prevail.\u00a0 But\u00a0then no.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0I think.<\/p>\n

I am that girl.\u00a0 That girl that- come one obstacle or other-one wrong path or the other-one something or another-made it to this point of knowing.\u00a0 And still not know it all.<\/p>\n

The sum total of all my girl parts that got me here-<\/p>\n

right here.<\/p>\n

I can say content.\u00a0 Content.\u00a0<\/p>\n

For now.<\/p>\n

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