{"id":364,"date":"2009-03-31T13:13:21","date_gmt":"2009-03-31T17:13:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/?p=364"},"modified":"2009-03-31T13:13:21","modified_gmt":"2009-03-31T17:13:21","slug":"missing-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/2009\/03\/missing-mom\/","title":{"rendered":"Missing Mom."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I miss my mom.\u00a0I miss her every day.\u00a0 In ways I never imagined- but all the same, I miss her.\u00a0<\/p>\n

She is not dead.\u00a0 She is locked in the abundant sunshine of her brain.\u00a0 And the clouds are closing in quickly. \u00a0It is heartbreaking.\u00a0 When they first tell you dementia is on the menu-they give you an entire itemized list of things that are\u00a0going to be happen-\u00a0a la carte- to deter the process.\u00a0 Then they give you sheets of information that outline ways to manage and ways to cope.\u00a0 What to expect when someone you love is expecting this\u00a0memory sucking thing\u00a0called dementia.\u00a0 What it mirrors.\u00a0 What it might do.\u00a0 What it certainly will do and the phases you can expect it will do\u00a0along the way.\u00a0And then you wait. And watch it all unfold.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Here is what they don’t tell you:<\/p>\n

As dementia sets in-and in our case, vascular related dementia-you will watch as your once vibrant and\u00a0extremely independent mother becomes more dependant on someone else\u00a0every day.\u00a0 You will watch as your mom fights the\u00a0waxes and wanes of her brain power-that fools us all-\u00a0because she is still so aware of what she is losing-but no\u00a0longer\u00a0aware of anything\u00a0past a five minute time frame.\u00a0 It is a bitter catch 22.\u00a0 You will watch as your mother puts up a front-that self preservation one-that one we all know so well-that one that comes with it’s own over-sized pair of rose colored glasses-and you will observe her fight for her brain just as she fought for her children.\u00a0 She will not want to be a burden.\u00a0 Every day is sunny.\u00a0 Every chapter in her book-the book of mom ,is woven with the best of stories and a happy ending.\u00a0Repeat. Repeat Repeat.<\/p>\n

\u00a0You will become the parent to your parent, even when you don’t want to-even when you were not quite ready.\u00a0You are parenting your\u00a0own child.\u00a0 Wait a minute. Not right now.\u00a0 Suddenly, you are making decisions for your mom you know she made for you-though not in the same degree-but\u00a0certainly with the same intention.\u00a0 For her greater good.\u00a0 For her well being and safety.\u00a0 To honor her opinions and requests.\u00a0 The decisions will not be easy.\u00a0 Your mother will not like them and she will throw a fit and maybe lose her temper. She who never\u00a0lost her temper ever. Not once.\u00a0 You will feel guilty for taking things away when so much is leaving on it’s own.\u00a0 You will beg and plead with medical people to find the answer-or give you more time to make accommodations.\u00a0 You will come across\u00a0people who will take advantage of your mother and think nothing of it-and yes, some of those people will be your\u00a0family\u00a0members.\u00a0 You will begin to hear\u00a0stories your mother had locked away-that maybe you should not hear-but there they are for the listening-and then you will\u00a0have to decide what to\u00a0do with them.\u00a0 You will lose sleep.\u00a0 Your mother\u00a0and her well being will become your part-time, sometimes full time job-on top of all the other things you do.\u00a0 You will be\u00a0exhausted.\u00a0\u00a0And angry.\u00a0 You will want to shake her out\u00a0of it-that thing called dementia and\u00a0wonder\u00a0why…why? Mom, why are you escaping into that land of not coming back? \u00a0You will become less of the daughter or son and more of the person she raised you to be.\u00a0 Those lessons coming at you-rapid fire, rapid speed.\u00a0 No\u00a0time to think-you just do what she taught you-because\u00a0you know that is what she\u00a0would want.\u00a0 Those damn\u00a0lessons.\u00a0 \u00a0 You learned them-when all along you thought you had not-there they are-right there,\u00a0ready for good use.\u00a0 You will see the things in yourself your mother gave to\u00a0you.\u00a0 And you\u00a0never even knew it.\u00a0 You will find the snippets of humor and things to make you laugh.\u00a0 Dementia can be funny at times.\u00a0 And you will cry.\u00a0 Those tears will creep up in the most unexpected of places and suddenly you are crying.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0But here is the real kicker.\u00a0 You will miss your mom. You will miss your mom.\u00a0 You will want to pick-up the phone and call her.\u00a0You will want to share the\u00a0news from whatever chapter in your own\u00a0book of life-but it will not matter anymore.\u00a0You will want to have your mother there-to make it all right.\u00a0 To not judge.\u00a0 To just be there.\u00a0 But it will not matter anymore.\u00a0\u00a0Am\u00a0I finally\u00a0being the\u00a0adult?\u00a0 I want my mother.\u00a0 I miss my mom.\u00a0You will be\u00a0standing in\u00a0the procession of the longest ongoing funeral for someone who is not dead -but you will miss them like they were.\u00a0 Everyday.\u00a0 Every. Day.<\/p>\n

If I were writing a book- this would be Chapter 11: “Mom is Missing-or I\u00a0Miss My Mom”- they are one in the same.<\/p>\n

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