![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/01\/spider.jpg\" "\\"spider\\"")
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There is someone I know-who calls me friend only on\u00a0occasion.\u00a0 She is in an all consuming position of power. It is a false power driven by need and ego and what others think she can do\u00a0for them-but all the same-she has earned the title of Queen One and Only and she never lets you forget it.\u00a0 Not that\u00a0anyone is letting her anyway.\u00a0 She is smart-but\u00a0not so much when it\u00a0comes to anything\u00a0other than what she rules.\u00a0She is witty but only in a bitter Kathy Griffin sort of way.\u00a0She steals\u00a0ideas and calls them her own.\u00a0 She feigns charity and then accepts the\u00a0plaques she is given for that exact charity.\u00a0You laugh at what she says-and then realize you were just insulted. Or someone else was.\u00a0 We never see it coming. I feel so stupid when that happens to me-because I think of a thousand things I should have said had I not been so stunned by the back-slap of insult.\u00a0It stings worse when you think about\u00a0what was\u00a0said throughout the day\u00a0and realize being the butt of a\u00a0joke when you are in on the joke is not such a funny\u00a0joke after all. \u00a0She is sincere only when it suits her needs and calls me friend only when she needs something-that usually benefits her first.\u00a0 People bow down to her and use her name in conversations in the hopes it will mean something in the long run.<\/p>\n
I went to a party with her once.\u00a0 A big, fat “important party”.\u00a0 “Stick with\u00a0me, ” she said.\u00a0 “I hate<\/em> going to these things… everyone is so fake and full of shit”\u00a0 Stupid me was left\u00a0in the wake of her importance. I never saw her the rest of the night.\u00a0 I did not know\u00a0the only reason she asked me to go with\u00a0was because she did not want to drive the hour or so to get to the party.\u00a0 I felt like I was back in high school.\u00a0 You know, when you get left behind.\u00a0 I should have known then.\u00a0\u00a0I thought when I first met her the roughness and bitterness was hiding an interior of genuine warmth that somehow had gotten lost or misplaced.\u00a0 I thought we were friends.\u00a0 The real kind.\u00a0 But then I got caught in her web.\u00a0 Tangled up in the bitterness-only to suffocate.\u00a0It was not a good feeling: Temporarily losing a wing and not able to fly.\u00a0I realized too late in the game that only one of us were going to be the topic of any conversation even though I sort of knew better.\u00a0 Some who knew us\u00a0both would question how we\u00a0even\u00a0were able to get along.\u00a0 Her spider to my fly.\u00a0 Her amazingly wicked\u00a0and effortlessly crafted web to my lack of knowing I had been caught in one.\u00a0It was never going to be about\u00a0me or anything going on in my life.\u00a0 God forbid anything wonderful happen to anyone else.\u00a0 Or worse, anything horrific.<\/p>\n I was like that in high school.\u00a0 Caught in the Alpha Spider-girls web.\u00a0 Thinking it was one thing and then realizing I was about to get bitten.\u00a0 Wanting to be liked by the super cool spider-and then when I got tangled in her web-it was of course, all my fault.\u00a0 We went to a party with football players and other super cool spiders. I\u00a0was a freshman.\u00a0 Everyone else was older and I felt so cool to be surrounded by spider girl’s friends. \u00a0The party got out of hand-the cops were called and suddenly there in my leather\u00a0saddle-back purse-with the hand painted\u00a0flowers on the flap,\u00a0I had\u00a0 just gotten for Christmas, was a\u00a0dime bag of pot.\u00a0 Spider girl had put it in my <\/em>purse….and led the cops right\u00a0to it.\u00a0\u00a0I had never smoked pot in my life-much less knew how to roll it\u00a0up so neatly in a\u00a0Ziplock bag. I was taken\u00a0down to the\u00a0police station and my parents were called. They were\u00a0on the\u00a0way\u00a0home from a\u00a0Florida\u00a0weekend get away.\u00a0\u00a0I was mortified.\u00a0I explained to my parents what had happened-the matter was resolved-but I had been caught in the web. I was so……shocked, embarrassed, ashamed.\u00a0 How could she do this to me?\u00a0 We were friends.\u00a0 Spider girl never\u00a0spoke up for me.\u00a0 That\u00a0Monday back at school, she of course, had spun her own web of lies-saving herself from high school shame and keeping her cool factor on top.\u00a0I was grounded for a month and not allowed to cheer at the next two home games.\u00a0 I should have learned back then.\u00a0 But I did not.<\/p>\n \u00a0I recently\u00a0got into business with this current spider woman.\u00a0 A\u00a0 short term,simple way to generate some income and boost future ventures.\u00a0 We spelled out the terms of the deal-agreed-not in writing-but in words-because” as friends we did not need to”\u00a0 Everything was “cool, laid back and easy”.\u00a0 She controlled the specifics and agreed to the arrangements.\u00a0 But then, in the end, when she fell back on the very specifics she agreed too, and people complained, I was left holding the bag of pot. All the complaints were directed towards me.\u00a0It was a shit storm and my character was called to question.\u00a0People were in my face, in my emails, on my phone.\u00a0Spider woman did not have my back.\u00a0 In fact, she flat out lied to save her spot on the throne.\u00a0 I felt just like I did way back then in 1980-sitting in the police station waiting for my parents to arrive and take me home.<\/p>\n I stopped calling this person and kept my distance.\u00a0 It is said we all repeat the lesson until we learn it.\u00a0 I repeat lessons a lot.\u00a0 Sometimes, I don’t even see the lesson rounding the bend until I am in it-again-with that oh no feeling that I have been here before and this is not going to be pleasant.\u00a0 I have gotten better though at seeing the spiders and saving my wings.\u00a0 Infact, I almost got caught in one just yesterday-but I saw the web being spun.\u00a0 I recognized that feeling of being insulted without knowing it until it was too late-and I stopped myself from being the fly. After the meeting-and one or two insults at my expense( ok, I am slow sometimes) I decided this was not for me.\u00a0 I shut my mouth and stopped sharing my ideas.\u00a0 I listened to the spider and began to watch her spin, and twist. I decided I did not need her for anything I was currently doing or wanted to do.\u00a0 I could fly on my own.\u00a0 I did not have to participate and bow down to the Queen.\u00a0 I ended the meeting early and got up to leave.\u00a0 Spider Queen, with her keen sense of timing, actually mentioned she was about to receive an award.\u00a0 She was being honored for being the one and only Spider-Queen in the land.\u00a0\u00a0Was I being invited?\u00a0\u00a0She put one of her eight hairy arms up to her ear with the pinky thumb call me motion as\u00a0her other phone was ringing and I was heading out the\u00a0door.\u00a0I turned and looked at her and motioned “no”.<\/p>\n