{"id":198,"date":"2008-12-31T13:41:54","date_gmt":"2008-12-31T17:41:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/?p=198"},"modified":"2009-01-01T14:52:26","modified_gmt":"2009-01-01T18:52:26","slug":"my-mother-the-christmas-chapter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/2008\/12\/my-mother-the-christmas-chapter\/","title":{"rendered":"My Mother-The Christmas Chapter"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>\u00a0 Weeks before my mother arrived here for Christmas the phone calls started.\u00a0 Sometimes three, four times a day.\u00a0 The anxious what if phone calls.<\/p>\n

I am going to get snowed in if I come to your house.<\/p>\n

No, mom, you are not.<\/p>\n

What if I get snowed in?<\/p>\n

Mom, you will not get snowed in.<\/p>\n

I need to do my Christmas shopping.<\/p>\n

Mom, you have done your Christmas shopping.<\/p>\n

When?<\/p>\n

We did your Christmas shopping this year.\u00a0 We got the names from you and thanked all the people who have been so wonderful this year. Your shopping is all done.<\/p>\n

Wonderful! she said.\u00a0 Because you know how I love Christmas!\u00a0 ( long pause) What did we get?<\/p>\n

Beautiful crystal snowflake ornaments.\u00a0 You picked them out yourself.<\/p>\n

When did I do that?<\/p>\n

Over Thanksgiving mom- at your sister’s house.\u00a0 It’s all been taken care of for you-<\/p>\n

Oh.\u00a0 ( long pause)\u00a0\u00a0 It takes a village.\u00a0 ( long pause)\u00a0 I was at my sister’s for Thanksgiving?<\/p>\n

Yes, mom.<\/p>\n

How did I get there?<\/p>\n

Dave drove you half the way and cousin Beth the other half.<\/p>\n

Did I have a good time?<\/p>\n

Yes, mom.\u00a0 You enjoyed seeing everyone.<\/p>\n

Oh.\u00a0 What am I doing for Christmas?<\/p>\n

You are coming here mom. To spend Christmas with us.<\/p>\n

Oh!\u00a0 ( with great glee) What a great idea!\u00a0 A New England Christmas.\u00a0 Just tell me where to be and I will be there.<\/p>\n

We are working on the details.\u00a0 I promise to let you know.<\/p>\n

I need my credit card Gloria, I need to do my Christmas shopping.\u00a0 Tell Chris I need my credit card.\u00a0 You know how much I love Christmas and I need to do my shopping.\u00a0 I need to bake pecan pies.\u00a0 I need to go to the bank.<\/p>\n

Mom, I\u00a0have to go now.\u00a0 I’ll call you back in a little while.\u00a0 Love you.<\/p>\n

Love you too…..wait!\u00a0 Glor, what<\/em> am I doing for Christmas?<\/p>\n

And so went the three weeks prior to Christmas.\u00a0 Every day, four times a day-sometimes more.\u00a0We conference called with my other two brothers, we wrote reminder notes, the home health care workers did their part-but still, something so ingrained in the recesses of my mother’s brain;\u00a0making Christmas happen,\u00a0kept a tap, tap, tapping at her memory.<\/p>\n

When are we going Christmas shopping?\u00a0 I have to get some things for my grandchildren.<\/p>\n

You already did mom.\u00a0 It has all been done.<\/p>\n

Oh.\u00a0 Really?\u00a0 Well, what did I get?<\/p>\n

A gumball machine for one, a doll for the other and a Nerf basketball game for the other.<\/p>\n

Oh.\u00a0( long pause)\u00a0 It takes a village. I need to go shopping for Christmas.\u00a0 Let’s go tomorrow morning.<\/p>\n

Ok mom.<\/p>\n

But when tomorrow came, and we were dressed and ready to go-all bundled up, lists in hand, day planned out from start to finish, mom would not budge.<\/p>\n

Guess what?\u00a0 she said, smirking in a way.\u00a0I am not going.\u00a0I am going to stay here.\u00a0 You and Dave can take my credit card and go shopping for me.<\/p>\n

You don’t have a credit card anymore mom.\u00a0 You really want to go shopping.<\/p>\n

No, I don’t.\u00a0 I want to stay here.\u00a0 You and Dave go.\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 Brother and sister. \u00a0I don’t have to do what I don’t want to do and I don’t want to go shopping.\u00a0 I can be stubborn you know. I damn near survived everything( and then she would list them all-those things she survived) so if I don’t want to go I don’t have to.\u00a0 She sat there on the sofa, hunkered down with arms folded in her sparkly red reindeer shirt.<\/p>\n

We know mom.\u00a0 You said you wanted to go.\u00a0 You have said for three weeks you wanted to go.\u00a0 Let’s go.<\/p>\n

No.\u00a0 I am staying here.\u00a0 You two go.<\/p>\n

You can’t stay here by yourself mom, let’s all go.\u00a0 We won’t be gone long.<\/p>\n

No.\u00a0 I am not going.<\/p>\n

One hour later.<\/p>\n

Are we going shopping?\u00a0 I\u00a0 need to go Christmas shopping.<\/p>\n

My brother and I make the most of the moment, grab our coats, load into the car and go.<\/p>\n

I love the way snow makes everything look so unified, mom said, more than once, maybe a dozen times,\u00a0as we drove through the back roads on the way to the mall.<\/p>\n

You’ve never seen a better elf.\u00a0 My mom.\u00a0 She always had a knack for finding the perfect gift for everyone-and I mean everyone.\u00a0 It was as if she would track down significant things that were a reminder of the year we all just\u00a0lived through.\u00a0 Gifts were symbolic, for fun, for good use even, but always, there was\u00a0great thought put into each.\u00a0 She started early and finished early-and then there were always those last minute “well, I just thought you should have this” kind of gift.\u00a0 She baked pecan pies, and always remembered who would was to\u00a0receive one ( “the pecan pie list”) down to the last person who would least expect it- and there she would be, on their door step, pecan pie in hand.\u00a0 Merry Christmas!\u00a0 Too often and without thanks( at least the kind she deserves) she afforded Christmas for many others too.\u00a0 Most who really, truly needed Christmas to happen-( a name from a tree, a family in need,)\u00a0 and then for others who least deserved it ( my opinion,not hers)those\u00a0who started reminder calls the day after Thanksgiving- just to be sure the expected check would arrive on time.\u00a0 Even now, those are the same people who refuse to be there for her- but were first to call when this year, for the first time, the check did not and will never again, show up on time.\u00a0 Those were also the same people who somehow, as in years past, neglected to send even a Christmas card.\u00a0 But her optimisim prevailed.\u00a0 Still does. It angers me, frustrates me even, but I can’t live her life.\u00a0 We could shop for her, send out Christmas cards on her behalf, gather gifts, make do with the rush of the holiday as if she were living out every memory stored somewhere, in there,but we could not be in her brain to unlock the past-even the long term memories are starting to fade now\u00a0and the short term are on a constant repeat.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I was anxious for her to be here-wanting so much for her memory to\u00a0somehow snap out of it.\u00a0 Thinking\u00a0if I recreated the traditions we did for years as a family she would come back.\u00a0\u00a0I shopped for her favorites to\u00a0have on hand, we redid the guest room for added warmth( my mom hates to be cold)\u00a0 But no. It was my mother, but not.\u00a0 Here she was, but not. \u00a0Her catch phrases rang true, allowing her to hold on, reclaim, recall, but the vacant pleasantries were in place of the real mom we knew.\u00a0Christmas morning, with Santa\u00a0droppings on\u00a0display,\u00a0her favorite part\u00a0of Christmas did not give way to her locked up mind.\u00a0 This was always her very favorite part of Christmas.\u00a0 Even when we were in college, she would stay up\u00a0until we were all\u00a0asleep and leave out\u00a0Santa\u00a0items- then not let any one\u00a0of us sneak into the living room until she was there first to see it all.\u00a0The\u00a0 big reveal. This was her big moment.\u00a0 She lived for these kinds of moments.\u00a0 Really.<\/p>\n

It is not that my mom\u00a0has gone\u00a0missing.\u00a0 She is still there, somewhere-or maybe not.\u00a0 Maybe she just escaped-shut down-no matter how much she loves us all- her four children and precious friends-maybe she just wants to go away from whatever choices she did or did not make. I see it in her eyes-they don’t light up anymore.\u00a0 She smiles and she is polite and just as pleasant as you can imagine-infact, sometimes, in an odd sort of way, too pleasant.\u00a0 But maybe, just maybe she wants to fade out to the land of nod, to the forgotten.\u00a0Maybe years of pleasing other people\u00a0at her own loss, denying her own anger, thinking she was protecting her children,\u00a0pushing through when\u00a0disappointment kept winning-\u00a0for years- to the point of heartbreak.\u00a0 Is this what happens when we don’t see what we should-when we don’t\u00a0fight for ourselves?\u00a0 When we\u00a0continue to remain, always optimistic to the point of despair? \u00a0I don’t know.\u00a0 I can’t imagine to know, for one minute to imagine the fear, the incredible fear and frustration of losing my memories.\u00a0.. Losing the essence of who I was, who I am-and face the day to day with new limitations and the lack of independance that always got me through.\u00a0 Gets me through.<\/p>\n

The week wrapped up and she and my brother were on their way-keeping our vow to get her home to her own comfort and joy, cats, beach and as many cigarettes as she wants.\u00a0 Soon enough, she would be back and the routine would continue again, her spot of the sofa, the daily paper read and re-read over and over and over again.\u00a0 Her coffee, her cigarettes without regret, and her life, in her moments, in her mind.\u00a0 USAir had other plans however, and hours later my mother and my brother were stranded in Philly,with no relief in sight and no flights leaving.\u00a0 By 11:30pm, my brother and my mother were in a rental car driving down 95 south-onward to homeward bound.\u00a0 Dave drove through the night-mom hung in there and by 8am the next day, they were home.\u00a0 Home.\u00a0 Comfort and joy.<\/p>\n

\u00a011:00am the next day:\u00a0<\/p>\n

We sure had a nice time\u00a0at your house.\u00a0 It was so good to be with you all for Christmas.<\/p>\n

We did too mom.<\/p>\n

You sound like you have a cold.\u00a0 Do you have a cold?<\/p>\n

Yes, mom.\u00a0<\/p>\n

We sure had a nice time at your house.\u00a0 It was so\u00a0good to be with you all for Christmas.<\/p>\n

I love you mom. I have to go now.<\/p>\n

I look out the window and it is snowing.\u00a0 Big, fluffy unifying flakes.<\/p>\n

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