{"id":149,"date":"2008-11-08T19:55:03","date_gmt":"2008-11-08T23:55:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/?p=149"},"modified":"2008-11-08T19:56:33","modified_gmt":"2008-11-08T23:56:33","slug":"my-mother-chapter-10","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gloriacrist.com\/blog\/2008\/11\/my-mother-chapter-10\/","title":{"rendered":"My Mother-Chapter 10"},"content":{"rendered":"

It is 78 degrees here today. \u00a0There are dolphins jumping just\u00a0beyond the break of the waves. A trio of shrimp boats are finishing\u00a0up the morning trawl. My mother has read the morning paper 6\u00a0times-the home health care worker has the morning off. \u00a0This is the\u00a0first trip without Ava since she was 7 weeks old. \u00a0It is just me\u00a0and my mom.<\/p>\n

This was yesterday: \u00a0\u00a05:30am. \u00a0We are up and getting ready to drive\u00a0into Wilmington to go to the hospital. \u00a0I have laid out clothes for\u00a0my mom to wear while she is in the shower. \u00a0When it is my turn to\u00a0
\nshower, she changes into shorts and one of the three tops she\u00a0rotates: \u00a0one that says “I Do My Own Stunts”, one that says ” Pat’s\u00a0What I’m Talking About” and one that says “Turtle Hospital Patrol”.\u00a0She has her purse on her lap and is sitting on the sofa.<\/p>\n

You can’t wear shorts mom.
\nWhy not?
\nYou are going to the hospital mom, you need to wear pants and a\u00a0long sleeve shirt.
\nBut I want to wear shorts.
\nYou can’t wear shorts mom.
\nShe reacts much like a 6 year old would and sulks back to her room\u00a0to put on the clothes I originally laid out for her.
\nFine. she says<\/p>\n

In support of her not being able to drink coffee prior to her\u00a0procedure, I don’t drink coffee either. \u00a0Both of us without coffee\u00a0is not good.
\nWe get to the hospital. \u00a0We check in. \u00a0We wait. \u00a0Everything is all\u00a0fancy and modern now.\u00a0\u00a0We are given a pager with a number. \u00a0When\u00a0the pager goes off-we report to the desk.
\nWe wait. \u00a0Mom takes out a book.
\nAlways bring a book,she says.
\nIt is the same book she has been reading since I was here in\u00a0September. \u00a0My mom used to read a book a week.
\nWe get buzzed. \u00a0We go in and are ushered into pre-procedure.
\nEverything is so…..surgical. \u00a0Clothes off, in a bag, procedure\u00a0clothes on-even the special socks.
\nAnd don’t forget your brassiere, says the very overworked and\u00a0slightly grumpy nurse.
\nI’m not wearing one, says my mom.
\nShe is bundled up in blankets and hooked up to monitors. \u00a0I know I\u00a0am going to cry. \u00a0Seeing her so covered up but somehow exposed. I\u00a0know I am going to cry, but I don’t. I can’t.
\nAnother nurse comes in with a computer to do all the intake- a\u00a0battery of questions all logged into the system….most of which\u00a0mom answers incorrectly-and I have to interject the correct\u00a0answers. \u00a0We are a a comedy routine-us two. \u00a0We are mischievous. \u00a0We make light of the situation. The nurse scolds my mother for\u00a0being a cancer survivor and still smoking.
\nlook, says my mom, I am losing my mind. \u00a0I could give a shit. \u00a0We\u00a0laugh again. \u00a0Imps that we are.
\n\u00a0There is a new question added to the same list-that same list of\u00a0family history questions I am sure has been around forever.
\nThe new question asks: “Are you in harm or is anyone threatening\u00a0you in anyway”
\nNo. my mom says.\u00a0That \u00a0must be new,she says, that question was not around when I\u00a0
\nwas a nurse, but it should have been. \u00a0Overworked and slightly\u00a0grumpy nurse #2 says
\nIt was added a few years ago-but since I’ve worked here only one\u00a0person has ever answered yes. \u00a0Whatever.
\nBut think about that one person you helped, my mom said. \u00a0Of the\u00a060\/40% we get from our parents I am honored to have some of that\u00a0part. \u00a0My mom, who sees, always sees, the silver lining, the\u00a0absolute good. \u00a0Sometimes I need more of that 60 or 40.
\n#2 did not respond.
\nquestions over. \u00a0#2 leaves.
\n#3 arrives- she is actually pleasant. \u00a0She is a hippy nurse. \u00a0Not\u00a0in size but in philosophy. \u00a0We like her. \u00a0She says she was supposed\u00a0to be named Gloria because her mother LOVED <\/em>Gloria Swanson-but her\u00a0father hated the name- so they went with Caroline- with a K. \u00a0So\u00a0there, hippy nurse said.
\nShe begins to wheel my mom to another room so they can administer the drugs.
\nhippy nurse says, she is going to give mom a combination of\u00a0sedatives and narcotics.
\nFor example, she says to my mom,\u00a0you might think you had breakfast at Cracker Barrel, you might tell\u00a0
\npeople you had breakfast a Cracker Barrel, but you will not have\u00a0had breakfast at Cracker Barrel.
\nWithout missing a beat, my mom says,
\nOh, hell, I do that anyway. \u00a0That 60\/40 again. \u00a0I am going to cry.
\nQuick take my mom back there before I can’t hold back myself.
\nThey give me back the pager. \u00a0I will be buzzed again, when she is\u00a0in recovery…..<\/p>\n

An hour later I am buzzed-mom is in recovery.\u00a0 Recovery fog.
\nI speak to the doctor- he fills me in on the whatifs and the wait\u00a0and sees;what I need to look for in the next 24 hours.
\nI peek in on mom. \u00a0She is slowly coming out of her sedative narcotic state
\nAre you ok?
\nGorked, she says and nods back off to the land of numb and pain free.
\nCan I go?
\n#2 resurfaces to make sure mom is coming out of the afore mentioned land.
\nIce chips?
\nNo.
\nOrange juice?
\nNo.
\nAre they rushing my mom out of here?
\nHold on a minute…..just a minute.
\nThey want mom to pee.
\nThat’s a good sign.
\nI help her out of her surgical cocoon and we make our way to the restroom.
\nShe goes in. \u00a0ALONE.
\nShe walks out the door and does not look good. \u00a0She sits back in\u00a0the wheel chair, crosses her legs at the ankles and puts her hands\u00a0in her lap( just like my grandma used to do) \u00a0Without making a fuss or a scene, she says<\/p>\n

I’m having trouble breathing.
\nI can see this. Clearly.
\nShe begins shaking.
\nHer hands move from her lap to her chest and she holds them\u00a0together in prayer.
\nGloria, I can’t breathe, I can’t catch my breath.
\nI call for nurse #2.#3. \u00a0Any nurse will do. New nurse. \u00a0Nurse in\u00a0charge of this particular “pod”….new name of new divisions in\u00a0swanky new hospitals.
\nWe try to find a nebulizer in mom’s purse. \u00a0It is empty.
\nThey wheel her back in her room and at the doctors request- she is\u00a0hooked up to an in-house surgical bong.( well, that is what it\u00a0looks like) \u00a0It is a mixture of oxygen and abuteral. \u00a0My mom,\u00a0hooked up to a hospital hookah. Breathing in. \u00a0Taking deep breaths.\u00a0\u00a0My mom, who as a psych nurse for years helped so many people\u00a0breathe new thoughts into their twisted minds, my mom, with her\u00a0boundless generosity helped so many families in need breathe easier\u00a0during the holidays. \u00a0My mom, who helped certain family members\u00a0breathe when they would not get off their lazy ass and get a job. \u00a0
\nFOR YEARS.\u00a0 Too many years.
\n<\/em>My mom. \u00a0She could not breathe. She has not been able to breathe\u00a0for years. mom.
\nThe treatment helps. \u00a0She is given orange juice and crackers. \u00a0We\u00a0hang a bit longer for good measure. \u00a0Mom wants to go home. \u00a0Get\u00a0back to her beach.<\/p>\n

I grew up here. \u00a0I used to walk into the wind on the beach and yell\u00a0out all my wishes and wants-thinking the wind would carry them to\u00a0all the necessary places.\u00a0Had my first two jobs here. \u00a0“wave report girl” at Rainbow Surf\u00a0Shop and “mat girl” at Surfside Waterslide. \u00a0Smoked my first\u00a0cigarette here-under the Scotchbonnet Pier-many firsts here. I have\u00a0returned here for many summers. \u00a0Many. \u00a0This beach house-“No\u00a0
\nHassle” was always a place to heal. \u00a0To mend and renew. \u00a0It is\u00a0different things now-but I so understand why my mom needs to be\u00a0here. \u00a0Why I vow to keep her here as long as I can.<\/p>\n

Mom sleeps the rest of the day into early evening. \u00a0Wakes up long\u00a0enough to eat ( pasta alfredo-her favorite). \u00a0Takes her evening\u00a0meds and goes back to bed.\u00a0I check on her though out the night. \u00a0To make sure she is\u00a0breathing. \u00a0Sort of like you do with a newborn.<\/p>\n

This morning she was back in her routine.
\nCoffee,morning paper, medicine. ham biscuit.
\nShe asks me why her throat is a little scratchy.
\nShe has little recall of yesterday.
\nBut as she sifts through the paper, just now, for the 10th time. \u00a0She lifts her head up and says
\nThanks Glor,for being with me yesterday. \u00a0For taking time out of\u00a0your life to be here with me.
\nOf course mom, there is nowhere else I’d rather be.
\nMom wants to move out to the deck and sit in the sun. \u00a0Just soak up the sun.
\nI am going for a walk now. \u00a0to cry. \u00a0I am walking into the wind.<\/p>\n

\"5:00am<\/a>

5:00am Topsail sunrise<\/p><\/div>\n

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