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Karen’s and Aunt Lydia’s: When Women Choose to be Villains.

Behold the Aunt Lydias in the age of Trump. They might have been powerful Queens among destructive Kings, but by rejecting the feminine and giving into the shadow side, these women became something else: Villains.  You know them well. We all know an Aunt Lydia, or a Karen, or…( I will let you decide on the name(s) to insert). Sometimes they run in packs. They find their own, bound by immeasurable insecurity, fear and repressed anger, and they gather together to create a tornado of incompetence. Their path of destruction is wide. Nothing grows where they once were. Scorched earth remains where they stood. Few are safe from their destruction-including children.This kind of woman has enjoyed a resurgence since the current president took office, I recently saw a picture of a group of women, more or less the same type, all wearing the same shirt that said, “I am a racist bitch! Trump 2020!”

What the heck went so wrong??

These women have been lurking and living among us for a long time. They are hard to miss. These women are emerging from their hiding places, bold in claiming their 15 seconds of fame. Once they set their sites on destruction, they will leave a path of used up people in their wake, play the victim and burn calories with the finger pointing- especially if they do not get what they want. Their anger is not sacred and used to fuel change, their anger is oppressive, hurtful and vengeful.  They will do whatever it takes to get what they want.  Karen’s and Aunt Lydia’s are masterful at manipulation, and will use charm, sex, favors, threats and on many occasion, baked goods, to get what they want.They are especially cruel to other women, notably women who embrace the power of change and the feminine. Notably women who call out the Karens and the Aunt Lydia’s. The women who refuse to let the Karen’s and the Aunt Lydia’s continue stealing, dismantling infrastructure, crying wolf, and pointing the gun in the face of change. Aunt Lydia’s light the match and then hide in the background watching the fire burn.Karen’s light the match and watch you burn. They are the opposite of powerful. They become bitter and beaten down. They raise their fists, stomp their feet, give demands, and so help those who tell them no. They give into their shadow side and will stop at nothing to destroy. These women refuse to look at their own house a blaze with fury, unresolved pain, and their own refusal to grow. Sometimes, often times, these Karens and Aunt Lydia’s were never given the tools to rise above their own anguish.It became easier to spew hate, wear custom made blinders( and masks!) and skew their lens in another direction. Karen’s and Aunt Lydia’s are alive and well in small towns, big cities, corporations, small business, schools, churches and politics.  They stew in regret and fear-forgetting the Queens they could have been, and instead, become part of the breakdown.  They vow to take back the kingdom- just like a man.  Just like Trump. Just like the Partiarch. Just like the father’s they likely wish to forget, or the mothers who were never emotionally available.  They will turn on another woman, especially one who is defying their rule. Or living their truth. Or changing the landscape. Or crying out for equality and justice. These Karens. These Aunt Lydia’s. They will sharpen the knife and smile as it glides between the shoulder blades of their latest victim. They will burn the torches, fueled with the spit and venom from other women, just.like.them. 

Help me!

Only it’s not a plea for help. It’s a plea for vengeance. Help ME! They will cry. Listen to my lies and sign my petition and read my words( which may or may not be the truth). HELP ME! They will beg, as others take pity, grab a torch, or a keyboard, and go for blood.

Help me! See me! YOUARENOTLISTENINGTOME!

They are desperate to fill the void. The black hole that just kept getting bigger and bigger as the years went on and because it was always someone else’s fault, blame only fed the growing hole of bleak and dark matter.

They become lost.  They give in to hate. Look closely and you can see it in their eyes, in the creases and crevices of their faces. In the panic and fear that stains the underbelly. You can hear it in their voices- yelling at others when they don’t get their way, screaming at others when life does not hand them what they think they deserve. Demanding people lose their jobs. Clawing at their own throats because they gave up their own voice, and instead of finding that voice, these Karens and these Aunt Lydia’s vow to make others pay. They will steal. They will lie. They will sell their soul to get what they are owed. They will betray, they will disavow, they will dismantle families and friendships to get what they are owed. Everyone and anyone is fair game. They said goodbye to a conscious a long time ago. Poor Karen. Poor Aunt Lydia.

Characteristics of the Queen Archetype

  • Makes sure everything is exactly as it should be
  • Takes charge
  • Dominates her court and give orders
  • Is benevolent and takes care of her subjects
  • Is dignified, striking and awesome
  • Has a clear sense of responsibility
  • Plans and gets things done
  • Imparts to her subjects what she believes in important
  • Empowers her subjects to connect to the community and return to her

Shadow side of the Queen Archetype

  • Demanding
  • Aggressive
  • Vengeful
  • Heads will role if others don’t follow their rules
  • Bitter
  • Hateful
  • Destructive

 More than anything, Karen’s and Aunt Lydia’s among us, cannot tolerate a woman using her authentic voice to make change, right the wrongs, shed the light, love, and let go.  Karen’s and Aunt Lydia’s do not do well with strong, perfectly imperfect women in their midst.The women who took to alchemy with grace instead of disgust. Who found the reverence instead of revenge. Who learned to honor benevolence, and loss, and the long and winding path of life and love and learning. The women who rise. Aunt Lydia’s are jealous and prone to fits of rage. Their rage serves to fuel their malignant narcissism, which grows like a weed. Choke weed. To Aunt Lydia’s the authentic woman is crazy.  Aunt Lydias will whisper to other people and point their crooked finger to the authentic, opposing female.

Go after her, Aunt Lydia will demand.

Something is wrong with her, Karen will say.

Throw rocks at her, Karen will demand. Forgetting her glass house is cracking.

The authentic woman reminds the Aunt Lydia’s among us what they lost in the trade to become, what?  Powerful?  Hardly.  In control?  Nope. Loved?  Awwww, well now, this might hold some weight.  Whatever is lacking in the Aunt Lydia’s among us, in the Karens who rise and shine everyday with a long list of things to undo, it does not mean we have to excuse the behavior.  It does not mean we have to bow down to their emotional deficits and beg for kindness.  It means, we shine the light brighter.  We dust off the harsh remarks, we demand change for the better, we do the right thing.

We rest up and take back the Queendom.