I am a sapiosexual.

Eleven times. Eleven times these two phrases were uttered or written to me during my almost 30 days on two dating websites. My one last attempt to go towards the world of online dating. My beeline to the land of sweet and honey. My hinging to an pending hinge. I did not make it the full 30 days because of this one phrase.

I am a sapiosexual.

To be fair, a few chose to use the synonym, sapiophile.

I am a saphiophile(sic), he wrote to me.

There was a picture that accompained his declaration. It was a cropped picture from the waist down, in the gym, in grey work out shorts. His meat and potatos( as my Grandma Brown used to say) outlined in grey nylon.

One man even said to me

Just so you know. I am a sapiosexual.

I guess I paused a wee bit longer than anticipated.

Look it up, he said.

I did not have to. I knew what it meant simply from the etymology breakdown and because FIVE OTHER MEN BEFORE HIM HAD UTTERED THE SAME THING!

ˌsāpēōˈsekSH/noun/A person who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing.

To use it correctly in a sentence:

I am a sapiosexual and I like big brains.


I am a sapiosexual and I like to have deep conversations.


I am a sapiophile and I need to have stimulating topics that whet my appetite on various topics before I can even think about anything else arousing me.

Sapiophile appears to have been coined recently (within the past several decades), based on the Latin root of sapere (“to have sense”) and the Greek philos (“beloved, dear, loving”). There are many words in English which share this suffix, and several which are likewise based on the initial portion of this word (such as sapient, meaning “possessing or expressing great sagacity”). Sapiosexual is often found as a synonym of sapiophile, and also functions in an adjectival role.( Thanks Webster!)

Don’t get me wrong. I love big brains. I do!

It’s an interesting lead in for conversation, right? Right swipe, matched up great pics,wink wink and then. And then.

By the way, I am a sapiosexual. Can you handle that?

Not once, and not quite in that order, but 11 times.

These were men in the 50-65 age range. Living in a 50-65 mile radius. Educated or so they said, men, ready to “meet someone” for an LTR.

And then it became a challenge.

Can I handle that?

Let me lay some sapio on ya honey.

I got brains. I ask big questions. I know what I want. I know who I am. I have been around the block and then some. Do you really want to see how big my brain really is?

Can YOU handle that?

One decided he could. So we chatted. He was even in my mile radius, and I his.

Strike while the iron is hot, he said when he made the first phone call.

So we chatted some more.

He asked if I was real.

He asked me out. We made plans. He was looking forward to meeting me.

But then I think his sapio ran out of steam. He failed on the follow through.

At 59.

I experienced my first ghosting in the world of dating.

At 58.

He vanished. He took his sapio and went to whereever he contemplated life and every day matters.

Another self proclaimed sapiosexual was so sure we were a match and so sure my intelligence aligned with his intelligence he texted me several times a day, emoji, emoji, updates on the hour and then it got too weird and I had to nip that sapio right in the bud-never to hear from him again. Thankfully.

I kept at it though, committed to making it 30 days looking for a hinge or another bee. I swiped left so many times that Hinge changed the algorithm and starting sending me ideas for what I needed to do and matched me in a whole other direction.

No. I am not interested in a 38 year old. Or younger. Question mark, exclamation point.

That was an epic fail.

My final day of online dating went like this:

Bachelor #1: Wow! You are so pretty and we match! But you are out of my ideal range to travel, so good luck!

Me: 30 miles.

Batchelor #2: ( a series of pics with emojis-no words, just pics)

Me: ummmmm?

Bachelor #3: a cropped pic from the waist down to his knees. In khakis. Nice belt.

Me: ˈkakē/noun/A textile fabric of a dull brownish-yellow color, in particular a strong cotton fabric.

I deleted both online dating accounts.

I lasted 20 days.

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