November 2018

Living with Aunt Lydia’s. When Women Choose to be Villains.


yambm428hx3fzxeltkvfBehold the Aunt Lydias in the age of Trump. They might have been powerful Queens among destructive kings, but in rejecting the feminine and giving into the shadow side, these women became something else: Villains.  You know them well. We all know an Aunt Lydia. Sometimes they run in packs. This kind of woman has enjoyed a resurgence since the current president took office-though they have been lurking and living among us for a long time. They are hard to miss, once they set their sites on  destruction, they will leave a path of used up people in their wake, especially if they do not get what they want. Their anger is not sacred and used to fuel change, their anger is oppressive, hurtful and vengeful.  They will do whatever it takes to get what they want.  Aunt Lydia’s are masterful at manipulation,  and will use charm, sex, favors, baked goods, and whatever else is needed to get what they want.They are especially cruel to other women, notably women who embrace the power of change and the feminine. Aunt Lydia’s light the match and then hide in the background watching the fire burn. They are the opposite of powerful. They become bitter and beaten down. They raise their fists, stomp their feet, give demands, and so help those who tell them no. They give into their shadow side and will stop at nothing to destroy. Aunt Lydia’s are alive and well in small towns, big cities, corporations, small business, schools, churches and politics.  They stew in regret and fear-forgetting the Queens they could have been, and instead, become part of the breakdown.  They vow to take back the kingdom- just like a man.  Just like Trump.  Just like the father’s they likely wish to forget, or the mothers who were never emotionally available.  They will turn on another woman, especially one who is defying their rule. They will sharpen the knife and smile as it glides between the shoulder blades of their latest victim.  They become lost.  They give in to hate. Look closely and you can see it in their eyes, in the creases and crevices of their faces.

Characteristics of the Queen Archetype

  • Makes sure everything is exactly as it should be
  • Takes charge
  • Dominates her court and give orders
  • Is benevolent and takes care of her subjects
  • Is dignified, striking and awesome
  • Has a clear sense of responsibility
  • Plans and gets things done
  • Imparts to her subjects what she believes in important
  • Empowers her subjects to connect to the community and return to her

Shadow side of the Queen Archetype

  • Demanding
  • Aggressive
  • Vengeful
  • Heads will role if they don’t follow the rules
  • Bitter
  • Hateful
  • Destructive

Without giving away the storyline in the second season of The Handmaids Tale, and without knowing what season three will reveal, it is safe to say, the character Aunt Lydia got what was coming to her, the irony is not lost on how.  More than anything, Aunt Lydia’s among us,cannot tolerate a woman using her authentic voice to make change, to right the wrongs, to shed the light, to love and let go.  Aunt Lydia’s do not do well with strong women in their midst.Aunt Lydia’s are jealous and prone to fits of rage. To Aunt Lydia’s the authentic woman is”crazy”.  Aunt Lydias will whisper to other people and point their crooked finger to the opposing female.

something is wrong with her.

This reminds the Aunt Lydia’s among us what they lost in the trade to become more…what?  Powerful?  Hardly.  In control?  Nope. Loved?  Awwww, well, now, this might hold some weight.  Whatever is lacking in the Aunt Lydia’s among us, it does not excuse them from their behavior.  It does not mean we have to bow down to their emotional deficits and beg for kindness.  It means, we shine the light brighter.  We dust off the harsh remarks, rest up and take back the Queendom.